But I would not give you false hope (no)
On this strange and mournful day
Looking out across our home’s deck as the temperatures plummeted, the
dreariness of the scene hit me rather hard. As the thermometer continued to
drop into the minus teens Fahrenheit, memories of walking along the beach at
Manly or taking in the view from our cruising yacht seem to be fading quickly.
And yet, as Paul Simon wrote so long ago, on this strange and mournful day,
I would not give you false hope as it wasn’t just the drop in temperature or
the bleakness of the scenery that led to our melancholy but rather, the very
clear ending of one of life’s chapters.
Doors may close, they say, but windows will open. Or is it the other way
around, I can never seem to get this right. But the combination of birthdays,
anniversaries and an upcoming change in scenery has hit us hard and a reminder,
as you might guess, that you cannot wait-out time. And have we had many
memorable times particularly those that left us up in the air!
If only a spreadsheet or project plan conveyed the complexity of all we
face then writing this post would be straightforward. However, this post all
about emotions, empathy and envisioning change on many fronts. Then again,
returning to windows and doors, predictability has never been something Margo
and I have enjoyed for any length of time. Au contraire, spontaneity may
be scary for some couples but it is the stuff that makes our lives together so enjoyable!
The year did start with one
memorable occasion. For those who count milestones and consider them welcome occasions,
then let the record show that Margo and I have now enjoyed our married time
together for twenty-five years. All that glistens may not be gold so we will
simply do with silver. It was a time of enjoying the company of friends even as
it was a time for reflection and in this regard, a special thanks have to go
out to the Poole family. Even as Brad and Jan were unable to make it to our
small soiree celebrating the occasion, the simple thumb drive they provided was
a real tearjerker!
Brad had scanned many photos
he had collected and among the reels he provided was one of our wedding day all
those years ago. The photos were not just of Margo and me but captured candid
moments among our family and friends on that day, many of them having travelled
a long way to join us. In coming posts, I will include a couple but suffice to
say, after recovering from the shock or seeing ourselves on this day long ago
and a time far removed from anything that could be considered as a mournful
day, false hope or otherwise, but rather for Margo and me, a joyous occasion.
If you wonder why the
insertion of this photo which I believe was yet one more taken by Brad Poole or
perhaps Brian Kenny, but it is included here for a very good reason. Many years
ago, I forgot our wedding anniversary and I paid a very high price for being
that forgetful. It was 2009 and my career saw employment ending with the only
prospect being to start out on my own. Not letting too many weeks pass by,
Margo and I created Pyalla Technologies, LLC, which remains active even as it
enters its fifteenth year. Margo was so upset that I forgot that date that she
sought out a way for me never to forget again.
That date for celebration
was January 16 and so our Corvette track car was given the number 161. As we
parked it next to the internal door from the garage to the house, we had to
pass it each and every day. The car 161, so Margo believed there was every
chance I would remember. And remember I have done not forgetting a single
anniversary that is until just this year. As that day wound down and the
celebratory soiree wrapped up, we both turned to each other in surprise – for
the first time since 2009 neither of us had bought a card for the other. Oh,
mournful day!
The candle lit in our honor
and featured earlier in this post was during a dinner that can only be
described as one of the best. Joined by our good friends and neighbors, Don and
Anne Marie Fowler, the setting for this dinner was Boulder’s famous and Michelin
Star recipient (make that two stars I believe), the Flagstaff House. For all of
nine courses we sat captivated by the winter view of Boulder that unfolded
beneath us as light snow began to fall. But that was just the beginning as our
friends from California, Brian and Jan Kenny, flew in for the occasion of our anniversary
and the four of us enjoyed the Flagstaff House dinner. A couple of days later
we wound up in Ft Collins at the downstairs speakeasy bar simply called Social,
a setting featured in the photo above.
Where the sadness began to
set in was with these times. Both families, the Fowlers and the Kennys knew the
circumstance that was befalling us. When we moved from Niwot up to Windsor and
purchased a house (in the early stages of construction), Margo and I believed
it would be the last house we would be building. To some extent, we thought that this craftsman home would become our forever home. A more manageable abode than what we had left in
Niwot. Surely a drop down from 13,000 sq feet to 5,000 sq feet was timely but
it didn’t lessen the feeling of time moving on where the next stop in our
life’s journey was likely to be “the home.” But no, that all changed in the
blink of an eye, so as to speak.
Our beautiful and much-loved
home of the past six years was now going onto the market. There was a song in
the sixties by Herman’s Hermits, No Milk Today – people passing by don’t
know the reason why. For longer than I can remember, the words of this song
have stayed with me and now, after all these years – how could they know
just what this message means: The end of my hopes, the end of all my dreams.
It is only a For Sale sign but once embedded in the lawn, it signaled an end to
our time in Windsor. This was definitely a time when a door was about to close
and when a life chapter was coming to an end.
Margo and I spent almost
three months late in 2023 at sea level. Firstly, on a cruise ship that
transited the Pacific Ocean and took us to Sydney. Then there was a month spent
in an Airbnb alongside Manly Wharf followed by a week spent in a hotel on the
banks of Darling Harbor. A change of bags later, we were out to sea enjoying a
Caribbean escapade. What this time highlighted was how Margo functioned without
the need for any breathing assistance. Unleashed, as it were, she was so happy
with her situation so much so, we made the decision to leave the mountains of
Colorado and head for the seashore most likely somewhere coastal in Florida.
Downsizing, yet again. In
parallel to all the activities one can associate with selling a house came the
complexity of Margo and I needing to consider the option of having two places
of residence. With our daughter Anna and her husband Erich together with three
grandkids, the prospect of shuttling back and forth to visit them and spending
time in hotels, didn’t hold any appeal for us both. Call it plain old-fashioned
luck of, consider it serendipitous, but Anna’s in-laws – Erich’s now widowed
father – happened to have a condo that he wanted to put on the market. So, we
jumped and, as from mid-March, we will be taking up residency.
However, that simply added a
level of complexity that has really taxed our combined abilities to cope.
Families normally sell one home and then buy another but we turned this upside
down buying one before selling the other even as we look for a new primary
residence far from Colorado. Simply figuring out how many storage lockers would
be involved and how many moving vans needed to be arranged was only part of the
story. In the middle of it all we are scheduled to spend ten days at
conferences in Sydney and Melbourne and then, if all goes well and our home
sells, moving out at a time we need to be at yet one more conference in Berlin.
The upshot of all this
needed coordination in our efforts to simplify and this has begun with many
trips to goodwill. The time has come to really dig deep into our closets and
find the courage to pass on clothes we have retained that date back three plus
decades. To date some fifteen bags weighing close on 600 pounds have made their
way to the local good will store and there’s many more to come. All I can add
is that it has been a very sad week for Margo as realization set in that her
beloved outfits were no more!
Our newly purchased condo also of the craftsman style will see the downsizing continue. From 13,000 sq feet to 5,000 sq feet now
reduces further to less than 2,000 sq feet. Yes, in time there will be another
abode on the coast but for now, it’s not just sacrificing the clothes and other
goods and chattels but major pieces of furniture. On the other hand, we
lucked-out in scoring a corner condo with an outside deck where we can set up
our grill but it all is still a bit of a shock. Fortunately, the condo has been
well looked after with fresh paint, appliances and a finished basement so we
will adapt quickly – we lived in a similar fashion when we moved into a
townhouse in Southern California back in 2006.
There is some good news,
however. Before that sign was erected on our lawn (and pictured above), our
agent did a short marketing campaign to other agents letting them know our home
in Windsor was coming on the market. We signed our agent on a Thursday, had photographers
in on Friday, and had an interested party come by Saturday. By Monday, we
received our first offer that we declined, but later that week, came an offer from
the same folks that we then accepted. Only then did the sign go up as we went
under contract but with contingencies all of which now look likely to be met.
Registering the fact that
our house might no longer be ours in a matter of weeks well, thrilled us yet
didn’t thrill us. It has been a whirlwind number of days and yet, it’s almost
as if the die had been cast from the first day back from our travels. We had
made the emotional decision to move and yet, watching it all happen has proved
to be a heartbreaking time where the future picture remains unclear. The
biggest problem we face or so we are being told by our friends who know us well
– where are you going to park the cars? And which cars will be in what
location? Oh dear, those dreaded first world problems! But we will figure
something out when the full picture is finally revealed.
As I ran errands today, it
occurred to me that the day of our wedding anniversary may have passed but
there was no excuse for me to not buy a card. Watching the photos and videos the
Brad provided has proved to have been a very emotional time but even so, I
couldn’t let the time pass without Margo knowing that she deserved a card. With
our friends all returned to their homes, we did go out for one final night. We
went to a restaurant in Windsor we have favored for some time and yet again, we
welcomed one more celebratory happy anniversary plate. The night was cold once
again and with the house empty of guests, on this strange and mournful day, we
knew we would come out alright.
It won’t be easy, but then
again, we have Brad’s pictures to turn to. With all the photos dating back to
the time all three of us worked together, there was one photo in particular
that pulled us out of our melancholy. It was Brad too who captured us both in a
wicker basket beneath a hot air balloon featured at the top of this post. Yes,
on a day when we all became professional bungee jumpers – being paid $1 for our
time filming an advertisement for the owners – it was Brad who just happened to
catch that look.
Working together as we were at the time, Margo and I had no idea where our
journey would take us but for that brief moment, when the lens caught us
off-guard, many years later that look remains and with it, the knowledge that
bungee cords withstanding, there are still more thrills ahead for both of us!
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